February 25, 2010

Jesus Walks, DJs and Apparaently Sings too

Because being a DJ and sticking your pee-pee in a dried up prune is just not enough for little Jesus, Madonna is packing his diaper bag and sending him to the recording studio.

Jesus signed to Warner Bros and his first single “We Came From Light” will be out this summer. A source told The Sun:

"Madonna really wants Jesus's career to take off. She's been going through her Filofax and putting him in contact with as many of her influential pals as she can."

Remember when Naomi Campbell tried to sing? That was a huge mess. It’s really a simple history lesson that models shouldn’t open their mouth unless they’re doing some “long term non-collateralized investment” aka giving out oral sex in Jesus's case. Becoming a stripper is just “exploring the possibilities”, the government robbing from their people is just “HST Tax” and committing fraud is just “storytelling”.

See, when you re-brand bad things you do the world is suddenly your oyster.

28 comments:

  1. ewww did you see that photo for W magazine or w/e.
    With his random peen, but what was more surprising was her face in that picture. It's like falling off.
    both=gross

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  2. scary!! TYRA also had a fail singing attempt, I remember o.o

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  3. i bet madonna's punani isn't dried up and pruney..with all the money she has, she probably has already traded her own one for a brand spanking new and tight one! just like demi

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  4. bahahah omg I love you, your posts make my day! You should have your own talk show or something.

    @amynaree
    exactly what I was thinking =))

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  5. a) he is fug! b) sticking your pee pee in a dried up prune=I just died laughing.

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  6. LOL!!! @ "Because being a DJ and sticking your pee-pee in a dry up prune is just not enough for little Jesus, Madonna is packing his diaper bag and sending him to the recording studio."

    LOL!...I think I feel out after "packin' his diaper".

    I don't remember Naomi, but I DO remember Tyra & SMH Paris cutting singles--which was about it. IChicks didn't even become "one hit wonders" ha. I had too much fun reading this.... Oh and not sure if you ever seen it, but I did give you a blog award sometime back :)

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  7. SOme things are just not meant to be. And of course all of this is being orchestrated by Madge herself...possibly one of the worst actresses ever! Everyone wants to be a cross-over or 'triple threat' type of star. Some people are just not meant to look pretty AND perform.

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  8. lol...what's happening to the world right now.....they're both gross....

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  9. Who is this Jesus person? Is he Madonna's newest boytoy? Gosh, I'm so outdated -.-

    Have you eaten those F cup cookies? How do they taste like?

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  10. Ewww that's an awkward combo & yes models singing is just a disaster.
    Ah and read the last post- hilarious

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  11. lmao.... Especially Tyra trying to sing... or Britney Spears trying to act, it just doesnt work out. Some celebs just aren't cut out to do everything at once... whats next Megan fox singing?

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  12. Well, good luck to him.

    Lots of love,

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  13. He is totally her little pet project....hahaha! Did you ever see that pic of him naked at their photo shoot? Now we know why.

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  14. Haha, ewwwww... that's just wrong!

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  15. Haha - I LOVE your blog posts!
    Sheesh, honestly if I was Jesus (okay, you know which one) I'd say screw the career and demand boyfriend $money$. No issue making a bit of dough on the side modelling since he's good looking but he's gotta milk this relationship for what he can LOL. Seriously, that woman can look after his financial needs and still be rich. Well, appears she's getting her needs met in the relationship!

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  16. DRIED UP PRUNE
    LMAO
    have u seen madonna of lv ads,the one not photoshopped?forgot where i saw it,maybe ur blog also?
    lol
    she is a total grandma!lol

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  17. haha I like these creative uses of euphemisms. I didn't know about this side of adopted pets! That's kinda sad though :( that some of them become problematic because they weren't trained as a puppy.. sniff

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  18. Like Blair there, I feel so outdated too! I don't know who this Jesus is. But dang, here in Indonesia it seems that everyone in the entertainment industry sings. It TORTURES me, so I think I know what you mean. Lol.


    I saw some live videos of The Script on Youtube but the vocalist doesn't sound as good as in the record. Haha. I like most songs from the album though, very easy listening and catchy for sure. :)

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  19. lmao! haha...wow, u cant mess with MADGE. just being with her is not enough, u gotta have a job at least so if she got bored with ya, there goes ur safety net. haha

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  20. She's totally his suga mama xD

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  21. She's a cougar, who wants to turn another buck. But people are sick of crappy songs. I'm expecting a flop.

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  22. Oh my ^_^ Ahaha.. The guy on the pic looks scary.Maybe, it's because of the eyeliner lol ^_^

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  23. Seriously? If she wants to help this boy's career, put him on the cover of Vogue Homme or GQ, but leave the singing to the professionals. She should know that even if she has billions of fans, none of them will buy his music. She'll be lucky if they even bother to illegally download it...

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