December 15, 2010

The Beautiful People Quitting Each Other Is Now Complete With…

Ryan Reynolds and Scarlett Johansson calling it quits! GQ’s Babe of the year and People’s Sexiest Man of 2010 have decided to quit each other's genitals after only two years of marriage. Two Years. Even my laptop warranty is longer. Even my hamster with a skin disease lived longer. Heck, even that lukewarm fuckery show “Prison Break” where that dude was in prison, then got out, then went back to prison again last longer than two years!

As ScarJo and Ryan released this statement to US Weekly:

"After long and careful consideration on both our parts, we've decided to end our marriage. We entered our relationship with love and it's with love and kindness we leave it. While privacy isn't expected, it's certainly appreciated."

What long and careful consideration does ScarJo need? Sure, Ryan seems like the little b*tch type who would run around with a stink face snarking “I’m the sexiest man alive in People Mag 2010, ladies everywhere want me, you [ScarJo] are lucky to be touching my peen, people think I’m funny, because I also make funny movies!” but still, if I get into a fight with Ryan, all he has to do is take off his shirt and with that meal ticket he can consider the marriage saved.

Meanwhile, GQ presents you some eye candy. Happy hump day.