July 4, 2011

Tom Ford's Etiquette To Not Use Babies For Publicity


While I was every type of drunk holding in pee to avoid using porta potties on Parliament Hill over the weekend, somewhere in the land of class the gentleman of the gentlemen Tom Ford would like you to know that if he ever has a kid, he will hide it under his bed like my holofoil Charizard Pokemon card until the kid is 18. As Tom told The Cut

"If I have children, no one will know about it until the child is born. And no one will ever see the child because I certainly wouldn’t use it as a press tool. If I have a child, you’ll see and notice that I had a child. Maybe you’ll see it when it’s 18, but I will keep it out of the spotlight. I wouldn’t use it as a press tool.”

Sure, Tom doesn’t want to whore his kids to the tabloids. But it’s not like he’ll ever be caught waddling in a grocery store looking for ice cream with a giant womb!

And of course Tom will lock his baby mama in his basement like his past season collections because a bloated beluga eating pickles and ice cream just isn’t classy! And when the baby is born Tom will too lock the baby in the basement until it is fully educated on the history of fashion and able to recite Brooks Brothers’ “How To Be A Gentleman” before Tom will allow any public association. That’s a true gentleman!

Here’s Tom Ford and Lara Stone for the Fall 2011 Beauty Ad Campaign.

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