January 23, 2013


I love watching hockey. It's fun, I get intoxicated, and I love the fights; as cock fight is illegal and wrestling is too dirty for me with the whole greasy steroids men trying to pin each other down. Yeah. First world problems.

Last weekend I had coffee with this guy, he's cute, things were going well, then I asked him if he watches hockey: "No". Strike one. football? "No". Strike two. ANY sport? "No... but sometimes baseball". Then this happened:

Me: "So why do you like baseball?"
BoringGuy: "Because if team wins, you can calculate exactly who contributes to what. Whereas hockey is too fast, too random and unpredictable."
Me: "Random and unpredictable are what make hockey and life interesting!"
BoringGuy: "I like the cold, calculating and robotics."

Strike three. Holy fuck. Does this guy only have enough brain power to focus on one thing at a time or is he even human? So out comes asshole Julie:

Me: "So then do you like to watch bowling?"
BoringGuy: "I can see where you're coming from, and I have no defense to that..."
Me "You must be fun in bed. I bet you only do missionary."
BoringGuy: "..."

I thought that'd be the end but as he resides in Simpleville in which his left and right brain hemispheres play pong with whatever brain cell he has left, but he texted back later:

BoringGuy: "So it turns out your argument against baseball is completely irrefutable and I have decided to abandon the sport completely."
Me: "I'm always right."
BoringGuy: "Lol. So what are you up to tonight?"
Me: "I have to feed my Tamagachi. Bye."