January 23, 2013


I love watching hockey. It's fun, I get intoxicated, and I love the fights; as cock fight is illegal and wrestling is too dirty for me with the whole greasy steroids men trying to pin each other down. Yeah. First world problems.

Last weekend I had coffee with this guy, he's cute, things were going well, then I asked him if he watches hockey: "No". Strike one. football? "No". Strike two. ANY sport? "No... but sometimes baseball". Then this happened:

Me: "So why do you like baseball?"
BoringGuy: "Because if team wins, you can calculate exactly who contributes to what. Whereas hockey is too fast, too random and unpredictable."
Me: "Random and unpredictable are what make hockey and life interesting!"
BoringGuy: "I like the cold, calculating and robotics."

Strike three. Holy fuck. Does this guy only have enough brain power to focus on one thing at a time or is he even human? So out comes asshole Julie:

Me: "So then do you like to watch bowling?"
BoringGuy: "I can see where you're coming from, and I have no defense to that..."
Me "You must be fun in bed. I bet you only do missionary."
BoringGuy: "..."

I thought that'd be the end but as he resides in Simpleville in which his left and right brain hemispheres play pong with whatever brain cell he has left, but he texted back later:

BoringGuy: "So it turns out your argument against baseball is completely irrefutable and I have decided to abandon the sport completely."
Me: "I'm always right."
BoringGuy: "Lol. So what are you up to tonight?"
Me: "I have to feed my Tamagachi. Bye."


  1. Thanks for getting him to abandon baseball--he was making baseball fans look bad. He may be difficult to get rid of, since you mentioned the word "bed" it was probably the most exciting date he's ever had.

  2. HAHAHA! Love this...the world of dating is so much fun...(enter sarcasm...)

  3. Ahhhh your dating stories remind me of my plenty of fish dates!! While it may not give you hope for the men of today, it sure does make for some funny stories! I also love how you never compromise your standards!

  4. Hmm. I think he sounded interesting, but that's just me: I hate sports and I love how my husband gives the same amount of disinterest. Guys that love sports I've found are incredibly focused every Saturday and date night seems to be a forgotten thing. But if you love sports then you could probably enjoy them together, and not be incredibly bored as I would find myself in a sports-saturated environment full of screaming, color-block-wearing alpha males. To each his own.

    As for the cold, calculating side of him, I could see many negative and positive situations. Negatively: probably not the most romantic guys. As in, a guy I dated who totally could not participate in any sort of discussion with me unless I "cited my souses". Very annoying, he was very calculating and had a hard time ever admitting he was wrong. However, because he was so calculating, he was an amazing fixer-upper and could have things repaired and in working order and he knew so many random facts that he was quite fun to converse with, when we weren't disagreeing over something.

    Also I feel inclined to point out that my husband is exceptionally beastly in bed, despite his lack of football watching--and he is also somewhat (okay very) interested in robotics and programing, sadly, as a fault I attribute to myself I find this completely boring as well. Its a good think his other qualities redeem him :) :P

    I wish you better dates. Perhaps this one was just enthralled by your beauty and didn't know what to say? Or maybe he just really wanted to impress you with his calculating side, thinking you would be impressed with brains over adventure. Men, always trying to impress, when we women just want to be wooed. At least, that's what I would prefer.

  5. LOL!!!!! Love your sense of humor... PRICELESS when it comes to dating!


  6. Haha oh my, seriously I'm telling you, you need to write a book of all your bad dates! I've never really met a man who doesn't at least pretend to like football.

    xo, Yi-chia
    Always Maylee

  7. Haha, you seriously have the funniest stories :D I've never met a guy who doesn't watch any sport :D And they always watch it for the excitement or violence :D ♥

  8. Please write a book.
    I will pay good Canadian money.

  9. Aaah, I LOVED this! Hilarious!
    I remember a bad date fixed up (or rather imposed on me) by a very dear friend of mine who happens to be EVIL. I couldn't get rid of the guy (who was... LAME). He ended up using my laptop half the time, and, cult line: Me:"I like opera. Are you familiar with it?". Him:"Yeah, I mean there's this woman in the metro who's always singing opera." Me: "-_-"
    On a different note, given the fact that I now officially live in Hockey Country (Poutine City, more specifically), I should perhaps get into it... Nah, I prefer figure skating. Hihi.

  10. Hmmm, some insight! So you are looking for a hockey or football loving, spontaneous, multi-tasker.. what else?

    I have to say one of the things I really love about my husband is that he is not into sports. I'm not subjected to him staring or screaming at a TV screen every weekend or dragging me to a sports bar or worst yet ignoring me while I'm talking staring at the TV, which I have seen many many other husbands do. Now that I'm middle aged, I see these sports crazy husbands tell their wives to get the kids out of the house so he can watch sports in peace! Horrible if you ask me.

    But hey if you like a guy that's into sports there are plenty of them, PLENTY. I hope you find one that makes time for you too. A boyfriend becomes a potential life partner.

  11. i used to enjoy going to hockey games live to enjoy the music and fighting. baseball games are only fun if you're playing or someone you know is. goodbye boring guy!