September 18, 2013

Reoccurring Dream



{Photos by Sabrina}

Lately I've been having a reoccurring dream where my ex is hanging out and no matter how much I yell or wave I can't get his attention. I think that perfectly describes how I felt at the end of our relationship. I don't give it any thought most days so it's weird that I'm dreaming it.

A lot of people mistaken compatibly with love. They have a checklist when they date. The list consist things such as what type of job the mate should have, how they look, what asset they own and what type of family they are from.

These people will never be capable of loving someone.

They are too busy comparing you to a list, converting your personality into a points system and analyzing you as an overall score. These people think that because they have a respectable job, a house, a car, and you have a respectable job, a house, a car, and they find you decent looking, then you to must date and like each other. Eventually, after long enough, you two will get married. Why not? On paper you two look good together, you are compatible. What more is there?

But love is more. You can't describe why you love someone. You can say that they make you feel alive, they comfort you, and they bring out the best in you. But you can't describe how they do these things. You just know. You are comfortable being vulnerable with them, telling them things that would destroy you if others find out, but trusting that they keep it safe. You can call them at the shittest hours because you had a shitty day, and though they can't make your situation better, you feel comfort. You feel their support regardless to whether they agree with your decisions. And they put you first and treat you the same regardless to how much money you make or how hot or ugly you look that day.