January 27, 2014

Casual Encounters

Friend: “I'm going to change my online dating profile to ‘looking for casual encounter’ because that's what I want right now. What do you think?”

Me: “See this face? This is me mentally judging you right now.”

Why It Is Difficult (And Lame) To Find A Girl For Casual Encounters Online

When I was online dating and I see a guy who writes that his intent is a "casual encounter", it is as unattractive as if he was to write that he has an STD.

First, women know guys' objective is to get laid. It's not a secret. Women certainly don't need a reminder with that "casual encounter" intent label. And "I want to date but nothing serious" is just a more tactful way of saying casual encounter. Second, how lazy or undesirable does the guy have to be to not just go to a bar and get laid?

I attribute these online “casual encounter” guys to the fact that they might have grew up in a windowless basement with their parents opening the basement door and throwing them a piece of spam down the stairs as dinner. Asking for a casual encounter at a bar is considered a hookup, but asking for a casual encounter on the internet, is considered pathetic, and it makes women uncomfortable. These are things people are supposed to learn from watching television or by just being social. And it offended me that my friend did not get it.

And how awkward would it be on the day of the casual encounter? Would the female invite the male she has never met over to her place, put on a romance comedy and wait for him to make the move? Or would she offer him tea, have some biscuits, then go straight to business in the bedroom?

Having a casual encounter is one of those things that most people have tried at least once. Minus the sex, it also acts as a form of rebellion or freedom. Or it completes a person’s college check list, it sands down their conservative nature on sex that their parents taught them and it transforms them into a mature citizen. Okay, perhaps not a mature citizen, but casual encounters are supposed to be amusing. It’s supposed to be the opening paragraph of a story with friends: “that night when I was in [some foreign city] I saw this guy…”, or “[name] and I just broke up and then I met…”, or "this one time back in college...".

What is appealing about casual encounters is that it’s spontaneous, fun and random. It's an adventure. It’s not supposed to be two sober people sitting behind a computer, checking out each other’s profile and schedule a meet up to solely have sex. It’s supposed to make a great story for your friends where you portray yourself Godlike. Equally exciting is the chase and the conquer, like a hunter hunting for a prey. In a casual encounter there would be a goal involved where the achievement date is undisclosed, and people like having goals.

We've all heard the quote "it's not the destination, but the journey". Offering casual encounters online takes away all the fun of an actual casual encounter. There is no spontaneity. No randomness. No uncertainty. It's pure mechanical sex. What good is the sex if there is no chase? No anticipation? No story to tell?

And what quality sober woman, is willing to have sex with a complete stranger and not expect a payment?

So please, get off your computer, grab some friends, go out, and live a little. Even if you don't end up having a casual encounter, you will at least have a good time with your friends.