January 27, 2014

Casual Encounters

Friend: “I'm going to change my online dating profile to ‘looking for casual encounter’ because that's what I want right now. What do you think?”

Me: “See this face? This is me mentally judging you right now.”

Why It Is Difficult (And Lame) To Find A Girl For Casual Encounters Online

When I was online dating and I see a guy who writes that his intent is a "casual encounter", it is as unattractive as if he was to write that he has an STD.

First, women know guys' objective is to get laid. It's not a secret. Women certainly don't need a reminder with that "casual encounter" intent label. And "I want to date but nothing serious" is just a more tactful way of saying casual encounter. Second, how lazy or undesirable does the guy have to be to not just go to a bar and get laid?

I attribute these online “casual encounter” guys to the fact that they might have grew up in a windowless basement with their parents opening the basement door and throwing them a piece of spam down the stairs as dinner. Asking for a casual encounter at a bar is considered a hookup, but asking for a casual encounter on the internet, is considered pathetic, and it makes women uncomfortable. These are things people are supposed to learn from watching television or by just being social. And it offended me that my friend did not get it.

And how awkward would it be on the day of the casual encounter? Would the female invite the male she has never met over to her place, put on a romance comedy and wait for him to make the move? Or would she offer him tea, have some biscuits, then go straight to business in the bedroom?

Having a casual encounter is one of those things that most people have tried at least once. Minus the sex, it also acts as a form of rebellion or freedom. Or it completes a person’s college check list, it sands down their conservative nature on sex that their parents taught them and it transforms them into a mature citizen. Okay, perhaps not a mature citizen, but casual encounters are supposed to be amusing. It’s supposed to be the opening paragraph of a story with friends: “that night when I was in [some foreign city] I saw this guy…”, or “[name] and I just broke up and then I met…”, or "this one time back in college...".

What is appealing about casual encounters is that it’s spontaneous, fun and random. It's an adventure. It’s not supposed to be two sober people sitting behind a computer, checking out each other’s profile and schedule a meet up to solely have sex. It’s supposed to make a great story for your friends where you portray yourself Godlike. Equally exciting is the chase and the conquer, like a hunter hunting for a prey. In a casual encounter there would be a goal involved where the achievement date is undisclosed, and people like having goals.

We've all heard the quote "it's not the destination, but the journey". Offering casual encounters online takes away all the fun of an actual casual encounter. There is no spontaneity. No randomness. No uncertainty. It's pure mechanical sex. What good is the sex if there is no chase? No anticipation? No story to tell?

And what quality sober woman, is willing to have sex with a complete stranger and not expect a payment?

So please, get off your computer, grab some friends, go out, and live a little. Even if you don't end up having a casual encounter, you will at least have a good time with your friends.


  1. And I totally agree with the last paragraph Miss Pop Champagne. Love this post. :)

    Ericka of http://myfashionfelicity.blogspot.com

  2. I totally agree! Just get a life..you'll find what you're looking for when you're not really looking! ^_^

  3. i could not agree more, great post.

    jess x

  4. Haha so true. What I hate the most is the kind of guy that can't just appreciate that a pretty girl walks by. He HAS to say something really fucking stupid to get her attention. Instead of "Sorry, I don't want to bother you, but wow, you're really pretty. Have a nice day!" he has to say something SUPER tasteless like "DAMNN GURL I'D TEAR THAT ASS UP!" like wtf is that?! My god.. I cannot even. I gave up on decent men a long time ago. They're no where to be found.

  5. I've had two casual encounters, or as I like to think of it, friends with benefits. I'm still debating if it's a good idea, because on one hand, there is no attachments to the other person, which is good for me, because I'm busy and I don't have time for a relationship, but then again, what happens when things start to slow down?

    xxDenysia Yu

  6. This was a great post, I use an online dating site, however mine states looking for a relationship and the guy cannot even message me unless he wants the same thing. Men can expect so much since on line came along... I had to make it clear in my profile even with those guys. I would like to get to know someone a little bit... lol and not just chatting behind a screen :)

  7. For me, the casual encounter was limited to getting to know someone. I guess too much time with my grandparents messed me up. :). In response to a comment above, I don't think I've ever made a tasteless remark to a girl I don't know--and I'm pretty sure I haven't done that to any I know either. lol!

  8. Be creative and always have good intention. :)

  9. Great post and I agree on "get a life" advice!

  10. THANK YOU!

    I've tried to explain this to random guys that were messaging me, while I was "online dating" last year and it's like I was some kind of crazy cat lady from another planet. You've just proved my point that I'm not the only one thinking that way and that it's just pathetic.

    We should experiment with this and create a profile with this blog post as profile description, HA! Lol

  11. I had a friend who decided to engage in "causal encounters" through an app. She wound rant on about her experiences... it was so boring I trailed off and thought "gee, men must love hearing about this stuff". We went out with our guy friend one night, she regurgitated the same stories, my guy friend sent me a message later saying "All she'd talk about is dick dick dick dick"