February 3, 2014

Practice Ride




{Photo via Ilya Kisaradov}

Over the holidays I heard from one of my friends that my most recent ex, says that he is ready to 'settle down and find a girl' now.

While I am completely over him, hearing that still irritated me. After being together for four years, after all of our ups and downs, after hanging out with his over controlling sister every week, after having our families having dinner together, I still wasn't 'real' enough for him.

I avoided the idea of marrying him when we dated but I thought we were at least heading to some kind of destination. After all, dating for 4 years, a woman would expect to have the question popped in which the she would have already prepared her "oh yes!" response at some fancy restaurant. After all, that is what society want us to eventually do. That is what our parents tell us to do: "Oh Julie, every relationship gets boring. Just find a nice and stable guy." And then one day it ended abruptly and I have not spoken with him since.

It wasn't until recent that I realized I was just a practice. I was his practice girlfriend who taught him all of the things to not look for in his 'girl to marry'. I was the girl he learned what being in a relationship is like. I was the girl that was there for him when he didn't know what he wanted in life and love. I was there when he made his mistakes, forgivable and unforgivable, like a tricycle he rode in which he fell and scraped his knees. And now he is looking for a bicycle.

The next girl will see him nicely packaged, not the flaky self conscious boy I was with.

As for him, he wants a girl that is happy being happy, whose life isn't consumed with highs and lows. He wants a 'yes' girl who is willing to sacrifice her accomplishments and support what he does. He wants a girl he can control. He wants a girl who doesn't mind to forever be in the passenger seat while he drives. He wants a girl who can go from being upset to dropping her anger to become 'understanding' just from him telling her that she is being unreasonable. He wants a pretty and giddy girl who is verbally pleasing at his family outings, who would make his male cousins envious and would win the approval his judgmental mother.

That's not me. Because I'd rather be someone's shot of whiskey than everyone's cup of tea.

But I hope we will both find what we are looking for.