February 25, 2014

Quit To Serve

I finally quit my weekend serving job. My last shift is this Saturday. I am SO happy and feel so relieved.

It's not that I hate serving. It's the other bullshit that comes with the job. The money can be good from serving, but it's not easy money. It's hard work. Then again, unless you won the life lottery of coming out of a wealthy vagina there's no such thing as easy money in this day and age anymore.

Questions Servers Get And How We Mentally Respond

1. What should I order? 
Crack. Order crack.

2. (15 minutes later) … I still can’t decide. 
Look, I'm not asking you to come up with a solution for the Iseaeli and the Palestinian conflict. It’s just regular North American food. Are you this indecisive with your life too?

3. What type of food do you guys serve? 
Chicken, beef, pork, fish, fries, garden salad, caesar salad, red sauce pasta, alfrado pasta, meatballs, cheese… Do you want me to start naming every item or would you care to read this thing I put in front of you called THE MENU?

4. Can I get a decaf chai latte, steamed with skim milk and cinnamon sprinkles? 
No. This isn’t Starbucks.

5. I can’t eat anything with gluten and I am a vegan. Do you have anything to offer other than a salad? 
We have water.

6. Why does it cost more for the substitution? 
Whatever you are ordering take more time to make than throwing a giant bag of potatoes in the deep fryer. In other words, no I cannot substitute a rib eye for your fries.

7. I am mad, you guys are punishing people with allergies by making us pay more for substitutions.
I am mad too. I have other tables I need to go to but instead I am here listening to you complain about something out of my control and now you're probably going to take it out on me by giving me a shitty tip.

8. Instead of this, can I get this with this? 
No. The chef hates me. He hates you. He's a power tripping maniac who screams at me when I look at him in the eye and he will try to kill me if I get too close. Anything I tell him must be no more than 5 words and must take less than 3 seconds to say in the kitchen: "TABLE 15 HOLLANDAISE ON SIDE PLEASE DON’T KILL ME"

9. But I’ve had it here before. Why can’t you do it this time? 
Let me check with myself again… No.

10. But I had this back in the days! Why did you guys take this off the menu? 
Back in the days you can buy yourself a slave on the street and now that is highly illegal. Back in the days you can have sex with farm animals without society labeling you as a pervert. Back in the days you are also legally allowed to marry your first cousin. I don’t understand your question.

11. I know I ordered 10 minutes ago, but can I change this to this?
Yes... And now I have to go deliver this news to the kitchen in which I will get yelled at for no reason. Thank you, jerk face.

12. I don’t understand why the interact machine puts on tip after the tax. You guys are ripping me off. Can't you guys do something about this?
Do I look like an interact mastermind villain in this apron to you?

13. You give great service but I don’t have a lot of money… Do I still have to tip you? 
This is a free country and you don’t have to do anything. But know that I make $8.50/hr, I can get send home anytime they want me to leave, my hourly minimum wage barely covers a McDonalds meal after my bus fare, I have bills to pay and your compliments don’t pay for my bills. So, you don’t have to do anything. But I will mentally try to set you on fire if you walk out of here without tipping. THANK YOU FOR COMING AND HAVE A GOOD DAY!


  1. I learned early about tipping properly... my sister waitressed for years and my dad was a taxi driver... if I have the money to use these services... I make sure I can tip ♡

  2. oh dear. laughing my head off but feeling for you. glad you are done with that job, girl!

  3. lmao #5! you can have water.


  4. Oh man, that must be annoying.

    I never understood food substitutions TBH. I mean, I'm allergic to mangoes, and in the past I've asked for mango sauces, salsas, or garnishes to be left off my food. But actually substituting one item in a meal for another and expecting it to come at zero cost? If you want to eat something that's not on the menu, you should've stayed at home and cooked.

  5. That's great news--and I love your answers! But I was a little distracted while reading them. I kept trying to remember if I'd asked any of those questions over the years. I have not. BUT, on a few occasions when I really liked the server and decided to have dessert, I have asked the person what their favorite dessert was on the menu. It was something pleasant to talk about for 15 seconds while the slow-pokes at the table made up their minds. If that was annoying, at least I tip well. :D

  6. Lol, I'm glad I haven't asked any of those questions.

  7. I worked at Starbucks for a while and it is almost the same; gastronomy really wasn't my thing to begin with. Glad you worked it through, hope next weekend job might be more relaxing! :)

  8. I hated working in food service. I worked at a fast food joint for 2 years, and it was like hell. It was always a rush in the afternoons, with all the lunch orders, and it didn't help that I was basically the only cashier on staff. Well at least you are out of that environment now!

    xxDenysia Yu

  9. I just love your blog and the posts are so unique!! :)

    Love your question and answers series... And yes I spent my whole reading week watching the Olympics! In the last four days of the games Canada won six gold medals!! More than that I loved the hockey and curling games (especially the women's hockey... I felt like I was watching a disney movie (How does Canada win the entire game and take Gold in just less than 15 mins?...which was awesome!!)) I really enjoyed it and I can't believe it's all over!! Well, we will have to wait until 2016 for the summer games... :)

    PS. do you have twitter?
    My Lyfe ; My Story
    @MyLyfeMyStory ♥ ♥

  10. Well congrats for quitting the job - and I love, love, love that post with all the mental responses :D I always try to understand the staff's side and point of view when I order, I know it's not as easy of a job as one might imagine. ♥

  11. Oh man, waitressing is hard, huh? Aha, your sarcastic mental replies were so spot on. It had me laughing out loud!
    The money may be good, but it's not always worth it. Sounds like you had it tough too, I'm glad you're finishing up with this.

    The Dragonfruit Diaries

  12. It's really a tough job and I salute you for that :) Love your mental responses as well haha! I remember a youtube video link: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1MgI-tVprGw. #7 helpful is the epic one, rofl!

  13. Giiiirrl, I was a waitress, carhop, concession stander, theater usher...I'm laughing so hard at this post and patting you on the back for leaving the job! #5 is my favorite for some reason.

  14. Love the last one about tipping! Hope you have a good last day at your weekend serving job! ;)


  15. I've never been a waitress, but I can feel your customer service pain. Of course the job I have now is very different from serving food, but I do have to make appointments and deal with costumer service issues, so I get pretty much the same kinds of dumb questions on a daily basis. Very frustrating!

  16. I never had a job as a waitress but boy did it sounds like a hard thing to do with people being so rude, glad you got out ! Pop Culture&Fashion Magic

  17. I have a friend who, in EVERY restaurant, asks the waiters what she should order. I had no idea it was seen as annoying!

    7% Solution

  18. grettings for me, im from indonesia :)

  19. I've been working in the service industry for too long. It's a tough one because there's the amazing servers who really deliver and deserve that 20%. And then there are the servers who bitch and moan and act entitled to their tips when they give poor quality service. At the end of the day though, it's just food lol!

  20. your answers were so funny :) thank you for making my day

  21. Just received a cheque for $500.

    Many times people don't believe me when I tell them about how much money you can earn filling out paid surveys online...

    So I show them a video of myself getting paid $500 for doing paid surveys to set the record straight once and for all.