August 28, 2014

Indecision




We can choose the paths we want to take, but we can't have it all.

When I graduated from University my ex at that time, Steve, was from a very rich family. He asked me to move to San Francisco to be his personal assistant and he would finance me, then eventually we would get married. In exchange I would never have to work a "real" 9-5 job again. I broke up with him because I chose to stay in Canada for a career job.

I chose to have my own career instead of the life of financial support from a man because I don't want my 'pay' to be dependent on my husband's mood and I want the freedom to buy what I want when I want instead of 'asking' first. I understand that my latter option with Steve was more breezy and as socially acceptable, but this was and is still my choice.


Over the past few years, I have been in other relationships that involved me moving for a guy. Each time I chose my job over them. We've all experienced how difficult it is to get a full time job in this economy and even more so to get a full time job with great benefits and salary. Given that I like my job and it is well paid with good benefits, I just have not met a guy I feel I would quit my job over.

Since dating Steve, I have worked and acquired multiple properties on my own. But while I am financially secure, I have been neglecting to pursue a family life. This was a personal choice I made. And while all of my female friends are now engaged and married, I'm still in the dating scene. This is my consequence, but I don't regret it. It is what it is.


This past week, the decision arose again. I am given an opportunity to work at a great company. The job position is fantastic and it would open doors for my future career, but it would require me to move back to the west coast and move to USA. This means I would have to give up everything with my personal life and once again, move to a city and start all over again.

And what about ever settling down and starting a family?


As a woman, after we graduate in our 20's, we can either choose to pursue to have a family or pursue a career against our biological clock. Both take time and energy. "I think one can have a career and a family", an acquaintance told me a few weeks ago. "Perhaps she was right?" I thought. But when I think about her, she has the luxury to work a non-conventional job as a hobby because her husband owns a successful business, unlike me who has to work to pay for mortgage and bills.

It sounds so cheesy, creating your own path and facing its reward and consequences. The Pepsi CEO said it well that she doesn't think "women can have it all" when the interviewer asks her about work-life balance. Her interview really spoke to me.

I still don't know what I decision I will make.