November 17, 2014

The Moment I Knew I Was Over You



{Dress from H&M, Chanel bag, Vince Camuto shoes}

These were taken over the weekend. "The last good weekend" I called, as it was probably the last weekend before the snow hits the ground and stays until next April. The issue about the last good weekend is that no one knows it is the last good weekend until the last good weekend is over.


So I saw my ex last weekend.

Alex and I only dated for a few months. He wanted to be monogamous but didn’t want the ‘official title’ due to his ‘commitment issues’. He wanted the benefits of a relationship without the responsibility of a relationship. Then when times got tough, he decided it was no longer fun and that he didn’t “like me anymore”.

Alex was the reason of my downward spiral in 2012. For months I barely ate, I didn't sleep, and I lost so much weight that even size 0 was baggy on me. I dreaded getting out of bed everyday and I lost my passion for everything to a point that I wasn't remotely enthused on paycheque Fridays or Christmas holidays. My dad described him as “the type I always worry my daughters would encounter”.


I was working at the Food and Wine show when I had a tingle that I would bump into Alex because it’s him to go to those things. And then I saw him. It was the first time I’ve seen him since we broke up a year and half ago.

He was getting his coat with his friends. He was still the thin, tall guy I once fell for. But his face was more tired and worn. All that drinking, partying and recreational drugs did not do him any favor. He also got himself a huge beard; which I thought didn’t compliment him. Obviously Alex never moved to Australia, something he was always talking about along with other 'big ideas' of his. It was not a surprise, I thought, and so typical of him.

I walked past him without saying hi. Then 10 feet away I heard, “JULIE!”. Alex waved. I looked back, slightly lifted the corner of my lips, gave him a small wave and continued walking. I felt no obligation to stop and small talk with him. Not even a "hello" or a smile. I didn’t care what he thought. I didn’t care what he was up to. I didn’t care if he was seeing someone new. I also didn't care to tell him how much he has hurt me or flaunt anything like a BeyoncĂ© song- I just didn’t care.


You might feel that you are over someone until you see them again after some time. But the exact moment I turned my back on him, I knew I was over him, and I felt powerful. Time does heal, I've never fully believed, until that moment. I don’t wish him the best of luck- because I think he’s a scum and he will always be a scum to me. But I do wish him- no, I don’t wish him anything. Because I am over it.

“So this is liberation.” I thought while lying in bed that night. The liberation of all the bad feelings and the liberation an undeserving guy will never again influence me. I smiled and fell asleep.

28 comments:

  1. No greater feeling in the world than being able to leave the past in the past and move forward with your own bright future. Btw, looking phenomenal as always Julie!

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  2. Yay! Don't let him drag you down! Stay fabulous with your head held high! Love your dress btw :)

    Charlotte
    www.deconstrut.blogspot.ca

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  3. I want to get where you are... I don't want to feel anything for 'him' ... good or bad.... it hurts to feel anything for him.... This post gives me hope...

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  4. Congrats on getting to where you are and moving on, love your chanel, too!

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  5. Absolutely gorgeous outfit - the red looks so stunning on you and I love how your paired it with the over the knee socks! x E

    Elizabeth Victoria Clark

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  6. congrats to you on moving on! and these outfits are outstanding!

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  7. YES!!! I love this. You're a babe. I'm so glad you wrote about this. Hopefully it will encourage other women who may be going through heartbreak right now.

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  8. Amazing post and writing and photos! I absolutely admire you honest and forthcoming you were and so glad you have been able to heal and move on. Such a beautiful feeling!!

    www.hollandsreverie.blogspot.com

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  9. You're such a badass.
    Seriously, I think that every time I visit and read your posts. Good for you girl. Moving on can be so hard, and your reaction and honesty was perfect.
    Also, just what I needed to read. Thank you <3

    The Dragonfruit Diaries

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  10. I had a moment like that recently too. It feels so freaking good to know that the feelings you had toward another person don't exist anymore. They can't sway you or hurt you like they used to. You are more powerful than that. I think you summed it up perfectly!

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  11. So glad to hear that you've completely moved on! I'm lucky to haven't had come across and had involvement with a guy like that, I'm very grateful to my boyfriend. People are assholes, they're hypocrites all the time, we want one thing and will do another because it feels good. I love your outfit, it's sexy, bold and powerful yet pretty!

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  12. Every encounter with another is a learning session. Part of the curriculum of the course we picked for ourselves. Movin' on up for sure :)

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  13. You go girl. This is an inspiring post, and you look amazing in the red dress.

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  14. this is very encouraging :) thank you so so so much for sharing

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  15. You are such a strong woman - which is what I've always thought about you. I have yet to meet my ex after our falling apart, we're namely friends in Facebook and so on, but I would like to see him once again just to see how over him I am. After all, it's because he was an ass to me that made me do things I only dreamed about when I was seeing him. ;) So every asshole has a purpose in our lives.

    Also, I really love the pics here, that dress is stunning on you. The powerful color fits the theme of this post so well! ♥ xx

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  16. Wow! I'm really happy for you Julie! What that guy made you is so unfair and so painful... But knowing that you are over it, I know the kind of feeling you described, although there were different situations.
    And you look awesome!
    Wish you the best!!

    xx

    Eli

    www.acurlystyle.blogspot.com

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  17. You handled that perfectly! You're right, you don't owe him anything just because your paths happened to intersect. He's not a friend. And personally, I think he did you a favor when he didn't "like you anymore". It would have been better if you'd never met him, but getting away from him was the key thing. He's scum and you're a great person. The girl above looks disturbingly good--that's going to fade (I mean, by 55 you're probably only going to be a "9"), but your character and personality will always be a "10"...always too good for him.

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  18. I love your dress in these photos! It must have felt great to have it confirmed that you're over him when you saw him this weekend. It's too bad you ended up running into him, but at least it had a positive outcome for you.

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  19. AHHH!!! Love this! Good for you girl and SO proud of you. I was cheering you on as I read your post. :)

    xo

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  20. Hey, thanks for commenting on my blog :) I love this post of yours, as something similar happened to me years ago. There is nothing more empowering than seeing that person that made you so upset and knowing you don't care about him/her anymore AT ALL. Hope we both learn from that experience :) xo

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  21. Congratulations! This is an awesome post and outfit as well.
    I know from the experience how much it hurts when you lose someone you adore. I'm still not sure that I got totally over it, but I have pulled myself together. I was the same wreck as you described.
    Have a nice weekend.
    xx,
    J.
    http://fashionandpinkheart.blogspot.com

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  22. Good on you! I remember my painful journey after my ex decided to break up with me out of the blue. I grieved for a month, didn't eat, didn't sleep and cried all day. I felt so hopeless and would call him crying. I never felt so pathetic in my life. Once I got over that month, I became remotely human, within 2 months on I move on with life, 2 years on, I can barely remember what he looks like.

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  23. First off Julie, That DRESS IS SO FREAKING GORGEOUS!!! And second off, good for you! For not letting an ex get under your skin! That's definitely will power! I haven't had the chance to run into any of my ex's in the last couple of years, but trust me, if I did, I would probably do the exact same thing you did!

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  24. Good for you girl! Man, I know what you mean about dudes that your dad would hate to see you get heartbroken over. The beard sounds gross.

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  25. Wow! You look beautiful and you described how strong you are! You are right, time helps in healing. I like the way you are open about your life. I still don't have the guts to post something like this.. Kudos to you!

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