May 6, 2015

Add Water

{Photos by Eric}

I remember feeling like you were different- especially after the things you have said and your late night text messages. You were suppose to treat me with love after I let my walls down for you. I remember feeling trusting and optimistic, and that comfort when I was with you. I don't feel that way anymore though.

I remember feeling scandalized when she smoked inside the house while her mom was at work. I remember thinking she was really cool and had life figured out. I remember feeling like I would never fit in because I was 'weird'. I remember feeling like I would be happier if I hung out with those people. I don't feel that way anymore.

I remember feeling invincible. I could have eaten junk food day after day and not feel sick. I partied every Thursday, Friday and Saturday, and was still able to get all my work done by Sunday night. I drank cans of coke and took shots of tequila like water. I remember thinking that I would never be tired of clubbing and flirting with strangers until wee hours in the morning. I don't feel that way anymore.

I remember feeling trapped living in Victoria, BC. I remember being more depressed everyday. I remember my breakdowns in my room. I remember feeling alone in crowded parties with people from school who were supposedly my friends. I remember thinking that there was more to a person than just their degree and career while watching my classmates look down on anyone different than them. I remember them eventually casting me out and tried to bring me down because I started perusing a different lifestyle. I needed to get out of there for the sake of my sanity. Thank God I got out.

I remember feeling like I had a list of things I would never do. I remember feeling that I would feel this way about them forever. My opinions would never change. I had drawn a line and I wasn't going to change it because that was what I believed in. Then unfortunate things happened along with life; I don't feel way anymore.

I remember feeling excited over something as trivial as hearing my favorite song on the radio or getting away with not paying for street parking. I remember feeling the butterflies when that cute guy finally kissed me. I remember feeling lucky that I was able to do the things I do, such as buy unnecessary things my parents would have never bought me as a child, and travel to places I only saw on the discovery channel when I was little. I remember feeling that everything would be okay eventually, and that time heals everything. Luckily, I still feel this way.